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Before I begin this post I want to first say THANK YOU!!!
In this space last week I made an appeal asking for a kidney donor for Nancy Waddell. Nancy is the godly wife of Don Waddell, my Administrative Assistant, and she’s been on dialysis for two years. We have been overwhelmed by the response. Nineteen people have offered to donate one of their kidneys to Nancy! Isn’t that incredible? Out of those nineteen, we’re really hopeful that at least one will be a match and pass the medical qualifications.
God is good! THANK YOU!
Twelve Steps to Nurture New Friendships As You Get Older
This past Wednesday I led a Bible study for senior adults on the subject of friendship. I pointed out that one of the challenges of aging is that we often experience a shrinking circle of friendships as we grow older. Friends die or move away. Some become infirmed or gradually drift apart from us. It’s not uncommon for older people who once had a plethora of friends to find themselves somewhat alone as they move down the home stretch.
That doesn’t have to be. We should be intentional about developing new friendships in the final chapter of life. Just because the close companions of yesterday are no longer around doesn’t mean you are destined to be lonely. Make an effort to cultivate new casual friends in your retirement years, and just maybe they will become close friends as the months and years go by.
In our Bible study, we examined the friendship between Naomi and Ruth in the Old Testament. I listed twelve lessons we should learn from Naomi about nurturing genuine friendships as we move into the final chapter of our lives.
1. It’s never too late to develop meaningful friendships
Naomi was an older woman and yet developed some new close friends. Don’t wallow in self-pity and complain, “All my friends are gone!” Take the initiative and put yourself in a position to meet new people.
2. Friendships may come from unlikely sources
Naomi and Ruth were different ages, different nationalities and different religions. They were mother and daughter in law! Don’t eliminate those who, on the surface, don’t seem to have much in common with you.
3. Adversity sometimes enhances friendships.
Naomi and Ruth were bonded together by a common grief. The Bible says “God comforts us in our troubles with the comfort we ourselves have received from God” (2 Cor. 1:3-4). If you want to develop friends in later years, watch for people who are hurting in a way you once hurt and seek to comfort them.
4. A change of location can occasionally stimulate new friendships
After a decade in Moab Naomi decided it was time for her to pack up and move on. A change of location, a change of routine, a change of hobbies may initiate new opportunities for meaningful relationships.
5. Friendships are nurtured by a spirit of unselfishness
Naomi was more concerned about the well-being of her two daughters-in-law than she was about herself. The best formula for developing friendships is found in Philippians 2:4, “Each of you should look not only to your own interests but to the interests of others.” Do you want to draw people to you? Put their interests ahead of your own.
6. Good friends are willing to give their friends needed space
When one of her daughters-in-law decided to stay in Moab, Naomi didn’t lash out at her for being disloyal. She released her. A sure way to push people away is to be a clingy, demanding friend. If you want your children and in-laws to be close don’t smother them, don’t demand they be at your place every holiday. Be secure enough in your own skin to release them. Then when they come to see you, you’ll know they came because they want to be there, not because they’re pressured.
7. Transparency is essential for friendships to deepen
When Naomi returned to her old friends in Bethlehem she didn’t pretend life had been good to her in Moab. She honestly admitted she had a rough time and was now struggling with bitterness.
Hypocrisy keeps others at an arm’s distance. Good friendships are built on transparency and honesty.
8. Genuine friends tactfully share and receive wisdom when needed
Naomi gave much-needed advice to Ruth because her daughter-in-law didn’t know the customs. Ruth was humble and teachable. One of the best things you can do for a friend is to not give advice very often. Don’t be a know-it-all. But there comes a time when your help is needed. That’s the time to tactfully, succinctly share your counsel. You are not a good friend if you see someone you care about on the verge of making a disastrous mistake and you don’t try to warn them.
9. Success is often a critical test of friendship
Ruth came back with good news – Boaz wanted to marry her! Naomi was elated for her. Romans 12:15 commands us to “Rejoice with those that rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” It’s easy to weep with those who weep. A test of genuine friendship is: can you rejoice when your friend gets a marriage proposal, and you are single, your friend gets a hole in one, and you never had one in your life, or your friend receives a huge inheritance, and you’re broke.
10. Genuine friends get over the bitter past and spread joy
Naomi came home bitter and unhappy. But when her daughter-in-law married and had a child, she became overjoyed at the experience of being a grandmother. When you go through tough times, friends will rally to your side, but don’t make the mistake of thinking having continuous problems is the key to friendship. Don’t be a sad dog always spreading gloom. No one wants to be around a permanent whiner. There comes a time to forget what is behind and get happy. The Bible says, “Rejoice in the Lord always.”
11. With the exception of your spouse, close friends should always be of the same gender
Naomi and Ruth were both women. If your spouse is also your best friend, you are doubly blessed. But when a man and woman who aren’t married to each other get too close they are toying with fire.
It may sound legalistic, but too many affairs begin with, “We’re just good friends, and we understand each other.” At the very least that kind of relationship is detrimental to your Christian witness, regardless of your age.
12. The closest friendships are those bound together in the Lord
Ruth said to Naomi, “Your God will be my God, and your people will be my people”. When you share a common commitment to the Lord the friendship has the potential to grow deeper, faster because you’re not just friends, you are brothers and sisters who have the same Heavenly Father. You’re both a part of the family of God.
“If we walk in the light as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ cleanses us of all sin” (1 John 1:7).
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