Donald Trump’s favorability ratings dropped significantly last week. The reason for his decline in the polls was due, in large part, to the fact that he retaliated against an American Muslim who had criticized him. Khizr Khan, whose son lost his life while serving in the Iraq war, rallied the Democratic National Convention by insisting that if Donald Trump had his way, Khan’s son would not have been a part of the US military. “Mr. Trump, have you ever even read the constitution?” Mr. Khan sarcastically challenged.

The Republican nominee for President couldn’t resist the instinct to retaliate, even though there was no way he could emerge as a victor in that conflict. American sympathy was naturally on the side of the fallen soldier’s family. Against the advice of counselors, Trump chose to denigrate Khan’s wife and motives. “When I’m attacked unfairly, I naturally retaliate,” he explained in self-defense.

That’s true. It’s human nature to angrily demand justice when wronged. We hear it every day. “You owe me an apology!” “I’ll sue you for everything you’ve got!” We demand reparations!” “If a policeman kills one of us, we’ll kill one of them!” “I’ll divorce you and make your life miserable and a lot poorer!” “You run a negative ad, I’ll respond in kind.” You pass a law that we disagree with, our organization will boycott your state.” “You misrepresent me, I’ll cut you down to size!”

In the midst of all the angry demands for justice, Christian leaders should be proclaiming a better, counter-intuitive message to their congregations. It’s this: “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.” Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:31-32).

Forgiveness when wronged doesn’t come easily; it’s an extremely difficult challenge. It requires a different mindset, a spirit of humility and a determined will to forgive, instead of demanding an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. In fact it’s doubtful we can really forgive without the example of Christ motivating us and the power of God energizing us.

Even though forgiveness is counter-intuitive, it’s so much more effective in the long run. There are three strong principles that could get us started:*

1. Forgiveness means releasing my right to retaliate. That’s why it’s difficult. Human nature is stimulus/response, cause and effect. I do to you because you did to me.

But forgiveness isn’t pretending that what you did was right; it’s not me saying I wasn’t hurt or even that it doesn’t matter. It’s going counter to your instincts and saying, “I’m going to let it go.”

There’s a surprising feeling when you cross over that line of the will from anger to grace. You expect it to be frustrating, but instead you feel a tremendous load off your shoulders. Bitter people are the ones carrying all the baggage. Mother Teresa said it simply, “Forgiveness sets you free.”

2. Forgiveness means taking action toward restoration. This isn’t welcome news either – not when we first hear it. We could at least get a little bittersweet satisfaction out of saying, “Yeah, I forgive you. Now get out of my life.”

But followers of Jesus Christ go the second mile. We don’t settle for détente but pull for full-scale reconciliation. Sometimes the deepest and most satisfying relationships in life come when God has put something back together that seemed completely broken. But that doesn’t happen unless two sides are willing to cooperate.

3. Forgiveness means letting God be God. The key to letting go of bitterness is seeing the world as God sees it. You might be angry at the man who stepped on your toe, until you realize he is blind. That changes things doesn’t it? When you see people as God sees them you notice the blindness. You see lost, stumbling children who get caught up in this terrible cycle of hurt, anger, retaliation and revenge, because no one has shown them another way.

As followers of Christ, we should know the other way. We know the cure; we are to fight anger with love, revenge with generosity, evil with good. We need to personally demonstrate and share the wisdom of God’s instruction, “Do not repay anyone evil for evil…If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge, I will repay, says the Lord’” (Romans 12:17-19).

The Bible story of Joseph illustrates the point well. Joseph’s brothers abused him, nearly killed him and then sold him into slavery. Twenty years later Joseph had the perfect opportunity to even the score and administer justice. He didn’t pretend he wasn’t wounded, but he let it go. He said, “You meant it for evil, God meant it for good.” Joseph then instructed his brothers to join him in Egypt where the entire family would be reunited and survive the horrible famine. Joseph never regretted overcoming evil with good. We won’t either.

I’m quite certain Donald Trump now wishes he had.

*Adapted from Bob Russell’s book, ‘Acts Of God”

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