Patrick Reed won the Master’s Golf Tournament earlier this month. However, Patrick’s parents, Bill and Jeanette Reed, weren’t present at Augusta National to celebrate with him even though they live just several blocks from the course. The truth is Patrick Reed didn’t want his parents there. A few months earlier when they attempted to follow him at Pinehurst in North Carolina, Patrick and his wife Justine demanded security escort them off the course.

How sad! Patrick Reed’s parents had given him birth, raised him from infancy and sacrificed to help train him to play golf as a boy. But when he won The Masters, the biggest event of the year, they weren’t welcome at the proud celebration. They couldn’t rejoice with their own son.

How does that happen? How do families become so estranged that they want nothing to do with each other? Sports Illustrated reported that the rift between Reed and his family dates back to 2012 when Patrick at 22 years of age married Justine Karain. When his parents expressed their concern that he was too young, Reed and his fiancé proceeded to cut off all communication with them leading up to the wedding.

Of course there are two sides to every story.  Normally it’s not one major blow- up but a series of minor offenses that lead to a lifetime of increased alienation. Someone said, “Anger gets you into trouble and pride keeps you there.” That’s so true. Don’t let that happen in your family. Life is too short and meaningful relationships are too few to permit that kind of tragedy.

Parents: be very cautious about how you treat adult children, especially your in-laws. Once your children graduate from college, your relationship needs to change from being a parent to being a friend. You transition from being their instructor to being their encourager. Remember this: “You are an invited counselor.” The only time you give advice is when you’re asked. And then be very tactful. And if you can’t be tactful be vague! Solomon wrote, “The right word at the right time is like a custom-made piece of jewelry.” (Prov. 25:11 THE MESSAGE)

One overly protective mother casually suggested her married daughter should join weight watchers.  The daughter fought back tears and concealed her hurt but the wounded feelings remained for a long time.

Tensions build up from insensitive offenses like that. Parents, use your head! Bend over backward to avoid hurting your adult children. In other words, “KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!” You are there to encourage. Remember: Once they establish their own family, you’ve done all the damage you can do.

Young adults: don’t be so insecure that you wear your feelings on your sleeve. Solomon wrote, “It is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.” (Proverbs 19:11) Chances are your parents really love you and want the best for you. The comments you find insulting are probably innocent and rooted in love. If your mom and dad or your in-laws get on your nerves, you be the adult in the room and just let it go. The Bible says, “It is to one’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.” (Proverbs 20:3)

It takes self-discipline to refuse to respond to a personal slight or a sarcastic remark. Nitwits are quick to retaliate, but if you swallow your pride and keep the peace, you’ll be thankful years later. Better still, your children will benefit from a good relationship with their grandparents. And you’ll occasionally need a free baby-sitter, so guard your tongue. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Prov. 15:1)

To those who are currently in a less-than-ideal relationship: It’s time to bury the hatchet. First Corinthians 13:5 reminds us, “…love keeps no record of wrongs.” Don’t keep score. Don’t think it’s your assignment to get even. Don’t demand an apology. Forget who was right and who was wrong. Will to forgive regardless of how you feel. Find some way to warmly reach out and don’t expect an overwhelming response. Ice takes a while to melt.

Here’s the best counsel for living in harmony with one another. “Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath for it is written, ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.”

“On the contrary, ‘if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” (Romans 12: 16-21)

If you have tense relationships with relatives, I challenge you to put the above commands into practice. Maybe God will use your initiative to bring about complete reconciliation faster than you dreamed possible. It’s certainly worth a try. And who knows, maybe your grandchild will grow up to win The Masters someday, and it would be great for you to be there to celebrate together as a family.

More importantly, you’re going to stand before God someday, and He taught us to pray, “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”

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