Occasionally people email me asking for my opinion on various personal or church problems.   Last week I received the following email from a church leader who lives in another city, which I have reprinted below, followed by my response.

EMAILED QUESTION:

Mr. Russell, looking for a little advice. Seems that we have a number of young adults in our church (ages 25-35), who have come to the conclusion that pre-martial sex is okay.  Some of these individuals have ministries in the church. Example: playing on the praise team, teaching in the children’s program, doing videos for our announcements etc.

The problem is that some of them will tell me, that they cannot find anything in scripture that says that what they are doing, having sex with someone, is wrong.  I have taught on the subject but they do not see a direct statement against pre-martial sex, they see the word fornication or sexual immorality as something other than pre-martial sex.

I guess my concern is two-fold, what other scripture would I use to show that sex outside of marriage is a sin?

Second, since this is an ongoing sin without remorse or a desire to change, what is our stance as a church? Do we allow them to be involved in ministries? What about lead ministries? Do we bring them before the congregation and as the Bible says have nothing to do with them, no association, no fellowship, with the hope of helping them see their sin and come back to Christ?

The church is doing very well right now. Not sure that their sin of pre-martial sex is common knowledge among the congregation. I know that some folks know but not everyone. I have talked to some of them who admit it and say they are not going to change because they see nothing in scripture that condemns it and they see nothing wrong with it.

I know that Satan wants to get in and cause problems in the church, but I also know the need to accept them and love them but we also have to deal with sin or Satan wins.

Would appreciate any suggestions you can give me.

Thanks for your help.”

ANSWER:   

The Bible repeatedly instructs God’s people to, “flee fornication”. For 2000 years the word translated, “fornication” in Scripture has been understood to include the prohibition of sex prior to marriage.  Webster’s dictionary definition of fornication is very clear, “consensual sexual intercourse between two persons not married to each other”.

Four times the Bible commands, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh”.  (Gen. 2:24, Matt. 19:5, Mark 10:7 and Eph. 5:31)

The physical union of a man and a woman was designed to be a privileged experience that took place after a commitment of marriage.  That commitment included a lifetime pledge of fidelity between the husband and wife.  The Lord’s intent was for marriage to provide a secure environment for raising children.  It’s also a uniquely meaningful union that symbolizes God’s committed relationship to us. (Eph. 5:32)

Deuteronomy 22:13-19 instructed the Jewish leaders to punish a husband who falsely accused his wife of not being a virgin when they got married.

Deuteronomy 22:20-21warned if the husband’s accusation that his wife was not a virgin when she married is proven to be true, she is to be stoned to death, “… because she has done a wicked thing in Israel…”

If there was nothing wrong with pre-marital sex, then why was Joseph determined to divorce Mary when he discovered she was expecting a child prior to their marriage?

If there is nothing wrong with pre-marital sex then one would conclude there is nothing wrong with having children out of wedlock?

Obviously, those who would suggest the liberalization of the Biblical standard are ignoring the clear teaching of Scripture, conforming to the values of the world and yielding to the desires of the flesh. Jesus said, “This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil.” (John 3:19)

The church has a responsibility to practice discipline in regard to flagrant, known sin.  That’s especially true concerning those who hold leadership positions.   Jesus said, “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.” (Matthew 18:15)

It’s the responsibility of individual Christians to gently confront fellow believers (we are not to confront unbelievers) who are known to be living in sin and encourage them to repent.  Jesus cautioned us not to attempt to remove a speck from someone else’s eye without first examining ourselves to make sure there is not a log protruding from our own eye.

Jesus went on to explain that if the person living in sin doesn’t repent, then the believer is to take two or three others who share the concern and confront again.  If the backslider still refuses to change, the issue is to be taken to the church.  (Matthew 19:16-17) I take that to mean reported to the church leaders.

The Shepherds of the flock are then to confront in love and encourage restoration to Christ.  If the offender still refuses to repent he/she is to be treated as an unbeliever.

The Apostle Paul instructed the Corinthian church to remove from their fellowship a man who persisted in living in incest.  He warned that just as a tiny piece of yeast quickly permeates the entire batch of dough, flagrant sin soon pollutes the entire church.  He went on to write, “…with such a man do not even eat”. (1 Cor. 5:11)

Those measures really sound harsh in this era of super-tolerance, but I’ve seen them work very effectively – and usually in the first stages.  The church was intended to consist of people who are “called out” from the world – we are to live separate and holy lives.  Unless we begin practicing some measure of church-discipline, the church is in danger of simply reflecting its culture rather than transforming it.  Jesus said if salt loses its saltiness it is good for nothing except to be cast out and trodden under the foot of men.

Jesus prophesied that in the last days there would be a great falling away of the faith.  Sadly, I think we’re seeing that kind of apostasy in the church today. –  I would encourage you to stand strong! – Bob Russell

HAPPY ENDING!  Yesterday I received an email back from the church leader who emailed me about the situation above.  He wrote:

“Bob,  I met with the young man last night that is at the point in his life that he sees nothing wrong with sex before marriage. We had a great visit, prayed and looked at a number of scriptures, including the ones you sent me. We also talked very honestly about his involvement in ministries here at our church.

After the meeting I got a call from him, he had gone over to talk to his girlfriend and they have decided not to have sex anymore until they get married.

I have heard a number of ministers say this problem is big and only going to get bigger. So please by all means address it in your blog.”

“If anyone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently.  But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted”.  (Gal. 6:1)